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  • Nabila

    Member
    February 2, 2021 at 11:12 pm

    Hi Maria

    Really interesting question and you’ve articulated it so well. I really get where you are coming from as I too feel stymied at times in this cauldron of confusion.

    Where does the responsibility belong and how do I be personally autonomous/self responsible/self governing yet not fall into the trap of taking it all on as mine nor pass the buck/fall into victimhood?

    I’m in constant process of working this out and TBH rn it’s a case by case, moment by moment situation. I’m doing my best to stay neutral although its a real slog some days and it can feel very like I am hooking out/fence sitting, yet when I think of the alternative, I go into the same places you describe- feeling unnecessarily aggressive/polarised etc which also feels ‘off’. I actually feel quite muted/suppressed at times which then makes me think of all the feminine suppression/subjugation I am supposed to be free from/wiping out aren’t I ?!

    Perhaps we are meant to hook out but then hook into another less familiar place where we decide to create what we wish for without the input/consent/resistance from the ‘other?’

    Maybe the answer is to build this bridge to our full blown creatorship and disentangle completely from any ‘other’ so called influence? i.e.- let it all play out in front of us (UGH) yet KNOW we are greater in our own power and can create all that we need?

    Personally, I know at times this can feel really heavy and unjust- especially atm maybe because we are literally so tired/exhausted from all the ‘work’ we’ve been doing.

    I keep reminding myself that newborn babies often initially sleep such a lot and this is because I sense that the ‘birth’/coming online to new life (NE) is extremely draining. I remember from my own kids first months initially they slept a lot and then by month 3 all (hell breaks loose!) changes and their interest and ability to engage became stronger.

    Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury of taking our time/sleeping the ‘birth’ trauma off, to emerge into this NE and there are no support systems in place, in our world, as we birth from 3D to 5D which is why there seems to be so much angst and lack of ease/justice.

    If we are still engaging at even this (low) level with the 3D then are we really shedding the inverse matrix sufficiently?

    Is faith (not in something outside of us but in our-cellves/Source) the bridge to move out of this push-me-pull-you dynamic?

    These are just questions I am asking myself at the moment as I attempt to navigate this narrow isthmus from the inverse matrix to the NE. I have no definitive answers and I am SO very tired/fed up of feeling compelled to ‘work’ more on all of this.

    As I write this maybe the ‘let go and let god’ meme (I am SO not a god person so I subsitute ME as source for this) is the way thru this confusing and frustrating minefield?

    I think after any ‘relationship’ has broken down/up there is this period where we feel hurt, unheard, misjudged, anger at the injustice of it all, suppressed, frustrated etc

    We were all in some form of relationship with the inverse matrix willing or unwilling and as this relationship dissolves perhaps all of the madness that we ‘allowed’ ourselves to be involved with is showing itself a little too much so we can really cut the cord/tie to the outworn notion that we are not sovereign?

    Again, just questions I am asking myself as I attempt navigation of this period.

    Much love

    N xx